I hate when my mind is full of questions, answers, doubts, and truths. All I want is sincerity, but I can’t seem to pick a sincere thought out of my cluttered mind. In fact, it has been like this a lot lately. And with every year of age, it seems to get worse. “The Ocean of my ignorance” is growing more vast and deep. Issues that used to be black and white have turned grey. The cluttered mess encompasses the topics, of government, politics, religion, economics, education and science.
The hazy, fuzzy, grey thoughts could be rising from my drastically changed and ever changing world view. Leaving things behind that you have believed in for most of your life is quite difficult. And while my thoughts and expressions are becoming more “me.” I still don’t know how sincere they are. What I think about an issue today might change by tomorrow. I lack knowledge but have enough knowledge on several subjects that sparks my curiosity to learn about them all. I want to find the answers, solutions, and best reasoning’s for so many subjects that I don’t know where to begin.
All this confusion creates the feeling that I am not being sincere with my thoughts and expressions. What I seek in steady ground. Yet, I believe I know how my thoughts have gone adrift on the ocean. Fear of change has always run deep in my blood. Fear of what others may say. While my world views change, they change ever slowly and insecurely. Still not for sure what the reactions from others may be.
From what I can see, there is only one way forward. I must keep finding the answers, the solutions, and reasons. What else can I do? I have accepted the status quo for so long that sometimes finding the answers, reasons, and solutions is scary business. Why? Because I might change. I might change and become less sincere because the answers and solutions go against everything I have ever believed in.
It is also scary to note. That as more knowledge is gained, “the ocean of ignorance” expands. Yes, some issues might become clearer again, but new found knowledge might be like sailing the Gulf of Mexico for the first time, expanding “the ocean of ignorance.” Will sincerity ever be found? Will a continent or at least an island of sure truth and knowledge ever be found? I am sure I have found something; I simply have not realized it yet.
Note: I could not find the original source of who wrote or said, “Ocean of ignorance.”